Past Sorrows|Sensatiamens, Sensatia

[Kender Bard]

"Don't be ridiculous," Thelon replied with scorn. "Clears killed your parents and your Uncle. Why do you think I hate them so much? They took away loved ones from everyone and that includes you. Blaming yourself for their atrocities is the height of self-pitying stupidity. You are a competent leader, or at least you were. This sniffling, snivelling woman in front of me certainly is not. But you can be whatever you want to be, Ann. Do you wish to lead your people or do you wish to finally lay that burden down? You may do either."

"As for your lover, don't even begin to tell me that you don't deserve him for some simpering reason. Out of all the people in the world you could have turned to when you'd loss all sense of who you were and you turned to him. That speaks of a love and trust beyond questioning."

[Northen Light36]

"Uncle Damien died because he didn't want to live without my mother," Ann replied flatly. "And my parents died because I lead them into the path of the clears." She turned away from Thelon. "Some nights after their funeral, I heard Uncle Damien and Tres talking. They were trying to work out why my parents were so far from Fira when we should have been within half a day's ride at most."

Ann closed her eyes and whispered, "I ran away, that's why we were so far off the route we'd planned. Mother was pregant and I didn't want a brother or sister. So I decided to run away and hide until mother agreed to give the baby away so I could keep being their only child."

Ann laughed bitterly. "You could say I got my wish. Moonlight, my pony, was younger and faster then their horses and I had a full night's headstart. It took my parents nearly two days to find me - getting lost in the desert is so easy, after all, and by then we were low on supplies. We had to camp where we were while father hunted for more food. That's how he spotted the clears. He came back to warn us but they'd seen him."

Ann shivered, her voice tight with self-loathing and remembered fear. "Mother had just enough time to help me hide before they came. I watched them die and it was all because of me. We'd never have been there if I hadn't been such a child about having a sibling." She closed her eyes and murmured, "I don't know why I'm telling you... Maybe because you don't care... I never told anyone the truth before, or even that I had a brother. Even when uncle Damien asked me why we were there, I lied. I told him I couldn't remember. He'd have hated me otherwise."

[Kender Bard]

"Damien could never hate you," Thelon told her in a low, but calmer voice. He was still frowning but only because he would have sold his soul to Soahc at that moment if it meant he didn't have to be the one to deal with this.

Are you listening, oh Insane One? It's the best offer you're ever going to get.

When no Force emerged, he sighed. "If the Clears had not been out killing and enslaving everyone they came across, then it wouldn't have mattered. You did not know they were there. You did not go running to the Clears, flag in hand, crying, 'Here we are! Kill us all!'"

[Northen Light36]

Ann glanced at Thelon, her expression disbelieving. "We would have been safely back in Fira if it wasn't for me," she replied simply, before sighing and lying down. "And since I doubt you're going to give me back my dagger, it doesn't matter."

Wonder if I can find some Taed's kiss, Ann thought. Or a high enough dosage of babybane.

[Kender Bard]

Thelon walked over and slapped Ann, sharply.

"Shall I go tell your daughter that you've decided that your life means more than hers now?" he told her, nastily, finally so far fed up that he couldn't feel anything but anger anymore. "Shall I sit her down and explain to her that you are going to follow the fine family tradition of killing yourself young and forcing your child to raise herself like your uncle did for you?"

[Northen Light36]

Ann flinched and yelped at the slap. She'd almost brought her signs together to strike back when Thelon's words stopped her. "Aly..." the word was barely a whisper and it had faded into silence long before Ann met Thelon's eyes again. Her expression was still despairing, but Thelon seemed to have shocked her out of her suicidal determination, at least for now.

"I don't want to hurt Alyssa," Ann said quietly. She looked at Thelon, almost pleadingly. "I just... I can't stop seeing them die now and it hurts so much."

[Kender Bard]

Thelon let out his breath sharply and pushed back his hair, still frustrated but not so much at her anymore. "Minds can make people forget things," he stated bluntly. "Just like we can make people remember them. Not only can we make you forget something by hiding it but, with enough work, we can make it so you can never remember it again. Do you want that?"

[Northen Light36]

Ann looked torn. Part of her desperately wanted to grab at Thelon's offer, but another part of her was uncertain. "What about what happened to Tres, Thelon?" she asked quietly.

[Kender Bard]

"This isn't amateur work," Thelon told her. "And it would need to be dealt with, not left alone for years on end. You would need to see a mind healer once every couple of years to smooth the cracks in things. But you still wouldn't remember. You could be fed an elaborate lie as to why you had to keep coming back to see a healer."

[Northen Light36]

Ann was quiet for a long moment, then sighed softly. "I'm tempted," she admitted softly, but she still looked uncertain. "It feels like running away... But I'm getting good at that, I guess. And I don't see another option..." She gave Thelon a weak, shaky smile. "All right."

[Kender Bard]

"There are other options," Thelon protested. "But I don't think you're ready for them. Now, shall we go back to the mind healer?"

[Northen Light36]

Ann fidgeted uncomfortably. She'd been somewhat unpleasent when she'd stormed out of her session today. But never mind, at the very least she owed the healer an appology. "All right," she agreed quietly.