Spiritual Guidance|Malagard, Khelek

[Kender Bard]

Nalani tugged her cloak about herself as she hurried through the temple, as though afraid to be there. This is silly, I've come down here with Locket before already, she told herself.

She didn't bother with any of the other wings, however, and instead went into the Love wing. It was still very new and she wistfully hoped they would be able to decorate it more elaborately soon so it didn't seem so much like an afterthought of the rest of the temple. "Um, hello?" she called out.

[Darastrix]

Lilith looked up and smiled when she saw who it was. "Nalani, it's good to see you," she said warmly, walking over to clasp the young woman's hands. "What brings you here? Is Locket still looking for temple gossip by proxy?"

[Kender Bard]

"Yes," Nalani laughed quietly. "But I'm actually here for my own needs, for once." She gently squeezed Lilith's hands back. "I had a little heart to heart with Locket concerning my... My former ways. She thinks that I should rejoin the fold. Of course, I've heard that before but, well... She is right, I do feel like I'm doing more good now than I was then."

Nalani realized she was rapidly beginning to babble and shook her head. "I'm sorry. I'm not sure where to start, to be honest."

[Darastrix]

“Well,” Lilith said, gesturing for Nalani to take a seat, “you can start by considering whether you’re content as you are now. As much as people might like to see you return to the priesthood, myself included, you don’t have to be a priestess to do good. You can do that in any number of vocations.”

[Kender Bard]

"I'm not... discontent," Nalani stated. "I have to admit that while there's considerably more room for irritation working as Locket's lady in waiting, and I wouldn't really want to move out here, I've enjoyed myself more than I have the past few years. Were it not for a number of circumstantial reasons, I might be tempted to take her offer to stay. I shan't... but I think I'd like it more than remaining a servant in Lord Wintersong's home."

She grimaced at that, feeling guilty. He'd been so kind to her, taking her in. It felt... disloyal to say such things.

[Darastrix]

"What is it in particular that you've liked about this more than being a lord's servant?" Lilith asked. "Not doing the tedious chores, being closer to the person you're working for, or something else?"

[Kender Bard]

Nalani thought about that in silence a bit. What HAD she enjoyed? "Befriending Locket," she answered. "And... Being useful in a way that I feel matters, or is special. My advice is mine to give, but anyone can fold towels and clean rooms. Locket said I've been a great comfort to her, too. That... Felt really good to hear." She smiled slightly.

[Darastrix]

Lilith smiled back. "Well, then, perhaps returning to be a servant isn't the way you should go. But what do you think about Love now? Or the other Forces?"

[Kender Bard]

Nalani let out a shaky breath as she replied, "I'm nervous. About returning to Love. I've never felt particularly close to any other Force, but I fear that Love may have abandoned me for having abandoned her."

[Darastrix]

Lilith shook her head. "Child, Love is in your heart. You can turn your back on her or lock her away, but she will always be there, waiting. Look at what you've been doing--being a friend and a comfort to a worried, nervous mother-to-be. You haven't declared your faith or been preaching in her name, but you have still been acting out of love."

[Kender Bard]

"Then why wasn't she there when I had my own child?" Nalani murmured. "I waited to feel love for the babe. But it never came. I didn't feel anything, except, perhaps, relief. Where was Love then?"

[Darastrix]

"Not everyone is meant to be a mother, Nalani," Lilith replied. "And some that are may find the timing poor. This year, so many have been born, and not all of those children were wanted. Many have been placed in the care of the orphanage, and some may still be. Some of those mothers regret having to do that, but they just couldn't care for them. Others could, but didn't want a child. Neither sentiment is wrong; motherly love is but one kind of love. If those mothers truly had no love in their hearts, they wouldn't have even taken the steps that they did to see that their children could have a chance for a loving family who could take care of them as they should be."

[Kender Bard]

Nalani bit her lip lightly. "Yes, you're right," she agreed weakly. "But I still fear that I may do something wrong and just wind up back in trouble once more. It may be I brought so much grief on myself, acting in Love's name, because my acts were not appropriate to my station and my work. But what if I just wind up doing the same thing again?"

[Darastrix]

"There is always the chance, however small, that we may say or do the wrong thing," Lilith said. "We make mistakes, and that's as much a part of life as our sucesses. But there's a difference between what happened to you in the past and where you are now. You have these experiences behind you. You know that things can go wrong despite your best intentions, not because you've been told, but because you have seen it for yourself. You're aware that you can make mistakes, and you'll be more cautious for it. Whatever you decide to do, your actions will be tempered with the wisdom you've gained."

She folded her hands in her lap. "And you probably will make mistakes, just like the rest of us. When that happens, accept that you were wrong, be able to admit it, and keep it in mind for the future when you encounter similar matter."

[Kender Bard]

Nalani remained silent for a long few moments as she absorbed the words. "I have a lot to think about," she finally concluded. "Whatever happens, I don't think I can truly make up my mind until I'm back in Anarlina again. But thank you for your advice. It was much needed."