Forces Are Laughing

[Kender Bard]

Sunray rocked back and forth in the rocking chair of Sunlight's nursery. He had been spending more and more of his free time with his son - either playing with the toddler, holding him, talking to him, or just watching him. It had, strangely, become Sunray's new refuge for when he wanted to think. At the moment, Sunlight was napping and Sunray had moved the chair by the crib so he watch the child sleep, a pensive look on his face.

He reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose - leaving soot marks there. He'd gotten a bit unrestrained in his last divination, and gotten his candles charred.

[Darastrix]

Dusk peeked into the nursery to check on Sunlight, and smiled a bit to see Sunray as well. My two suns, she thought, mildly amused, as she entered the room.

"You look tired, Sunny," Dusk noted quietly. "And dirty," she added with a little grin. She pulled out a handkerchief and dampened it a bit before dabbing at the soot on her husband's face.

"Copper for your thoughts, my king?"

[Kender Bard]

Sunray grimaced involuntarily at Dusk's fussing. He'd done the same whenever Salacia had done that.

"They're not worth the copper," he commented wryly, keeping his voice low. "I'm not tired, I was just thinking about divination." He stood and offered Dusk his seat. "I have to say this much - when you have it, you find yourself asking questions without realizing that sometimes having an answer leaves you worse off than before." He grimaced again. "Ignorance can be such a bliss."

[Darastrix]

"Indeed," Dusk mused, taking the offered chair. She could think of a few things she'd be happier not knowing. "May I ask what you were trying to divine?"

[Kender Bard]

Sunray hesitated and looked as though he was to refuse.

Then he let out a sigh and moved to rest a hand against her shoulder. "Don't take this the wrong way," he said quietly, "but I was trying to see what would have happened had I not asked you to marry me."

[Darastrix]

"I see," she murmured. Dusk really couldn't blame him for wondering; she wondered about that at times herself. Still...she wasn't in love with him, but it stung a little to hear, even though she tried not to let it.

"I suppose you saw that you would have been happier, then," Dusk said quietly. "If you would have been less happy, you wouldn't miss your ignorance."

[Kender Bard]

"What I saw was that nothing was different," Sunray answered, his eyes shadowed. "Nothing. Except that you and Twilight were wedded lawfully rather than this..." He made a gestured. "Shadowy thing we have going on." His hand clenched into a fist and though he didn't raise his voice, it sounded pained. "I made you sacrifice a true marriage for..." He trailed off. "The courtiers bitched at me then and they do now. True the Kingdom didn't have an heir but.. I could have arranged something. I had no right to ask you to throw away your potential happiness for me. I didn't know until I met Lyra how much I was asking of you. And you agreed."

Sunray shut his eyes and exhaled. "You're a saint, Dusk. And for what it's worth, I am unhappy in knowing this because it makes me keenly aware of how selfish it is of me to be... happy that you're by my side and that I can pretend your son is mine."

[Darastrix]

"I'm not a saint, Sunny," Dusk replied, determinedly not thinking about the marriage she could have had. She'd cried her heart out to Midnight the night before their weddings over that, and she tried to let that be the last time. "I'm just a woman who wants what's best for the people around her." She sighed softly. "I just wish I could know what it was more often."

"But Sunny, if we make you happy," she continued, looking over at her sleeping son, "enjoy it. So much has happened over the past year that's been just heartbreaking. There's enough of that without you making yourself feel badly over what does make you happy."

[Kender Bard]

"Your happiness means more to me than mine," Sunray said shortly. "You know how I feel. Even with Lyra I still... Well..." Perhaps it was best if he just didn't say it. "It's confusing. If there was some way I could make the world right and perfect for you - and still keep my realm prosperous and running smoothly - I would do it in a heartbeat no matter what it was. Of course when I asked the Forces what that might be, I got silence. As always."

He could feel smoldering anger still over that but made sure it didn't spill over. He let out another deep sigh. "So I've been thinking about it as best as I can. I... Dusk do you think maybe I should take a little sabbatical? I was thinking to Mentis. And while I was gone.. declare Twilight the one to rule in my stead, with you? Then what if I stayed away just long enough for something to come up and let the whole world see how well Twilight handles it. The people would understand what a good man he's become, a capable king, and- and then I could make it right for everyone..."

He was babbling but it'd been weighing on his mind.

[Darastrix]

Dusk rose then and put a hand lightly over Sunray's mouth. "Sunny, stop. If you need a sabbatical, then by all means take one. But as for the rest, think. Not about making it right for everyone, but about what you're considering. Midnight and Snow have been on the throne the past two times we've been away, because of how the court reacted to Twi being on the throne after I had Sunlight. Even with me by his side, I fear the dissent in court would only grow with time. You must have heard what they're saying now about poor Nalani. They care for the truth only to twist it and make villains of good people."

She closed her eyes and sighed. "And even were that not the case, does Twilight still want the crown?"

[Kender Bard]

"He'd want it if it meant having you openly," Sunray said, looking frustrated. But she was right. "Damn the court," he said, voice low. "I have half a mind of ripping the entire place to shreds and installing some other form of communication between the crown and the people."

That... wasn't a bad idea really. Perhaps he should bend his mind to that instead.

He reached up and took Dusk's hand gently in his own. "Well... No matter what, you are the finest woman the people could have for a queen." He kept his eyes on her fingers to avoid looking her in the eyes as his voice turned wistful. "Do you think that if things had been really, really different, you could have ever loved me? If Twilight had never been there - or if he had been more... open minded with his relationships." His mouth quirked slightly. Sunray wasn't even terribly sure how HE felt about that idea, but he recalled the look on his brother's face at someone suggestion of sharing Dusk when it had been brought up. The man had looked like he had bitten into a worm-ridden apple.

[Darastrix]

"I don't think there's an answer I can give to that either way that wouldn't cause some form of pain," Dusk replied, "be it regret for what could never be or pain of rejection."

The truth of the matter was that if Twilight had been able to bear the idea, Dusk believed that she could have loved them both. Love was hardly a limited thing, after all, and Sunray was such a dear man. But Twi couldn't share as she felt she could, so that was that.

[Kender Bard]

Sunray blew aside a strand of his hair. "Yes, yes, you're right," he agreed. "I seem to be in a mood to pick at old wounds. Salt them even. You've more sense than I." He went back to the crib and leaned down to stroke Sunlight's head lightly. "He's so sweet. Father would have spoiled him absolutely rotten you know. The nursery would be so full of toys, there wouldn't be room to walk." He tilted his head and gave Dusk a look that was purely curious now. "Have you thought about having more?"

[Darastrix]

"Some," Dusk said, looking fondly at her son. "I can't imagine growing up as an only child. I know some of our friends did, but..." She shrugged. "It still sounds lonely to me. And I confess I'd like a daughter to dote on as well."

Dusk smiled wistfully as she imagined a little dark-haired girl, perhaps with downy grey wings, running around the palace. A thought struck her, and she gave a sudden giggle. "Of course, who's to say that if I did have a daughter, she wouldn't be a tomboy like her aunt?"

[Kender Bard]

Sunray chuckled at that. "Not that you'd care either way I imagine," he remarked. "Well I'll let you in on a little secret my dear. Twilight has confided in me that he's given thought to the subject as well. I think if you approached him correctly he'd be open to the idea."