I'll Wear This Cloth No More
Jun 16, 2009 21:45:08 GMT -5
Post by Kender Bard on Jun 16, 2009 21:45:08 GMT -5
Nalani and Snowflake were quietly walking side by side in the temple. Nalani had been very quiet for most of the time after she woke up and Snowflake hadn’t pressured her. The two stood side by side in front of the Shrine to Love.
At last, Nalani spoke up. “Everything I’ve done in my life, in the name of Love, has hurt people,” she concluded, quietly.
“Nalani, that’s not true.”
“Isn’t it?” The young priestess’s eyes narrowed and her hand came up to grasp the little medallion of faith she wore, the sun emblem on a slender chain. “And what is the point of faith? What good is having faith?”
Snowflake gave Nalani a surprised look. “Faith is hope, Nalani, you know that.”
“It’s a false hope,” the younger woman growled. Her hold on the emblem tightened. “It’s a lie. We call Morilanta hypocrites for their religion but look at us. We pray to a non-existent Force. We beseech the air for things and whether or not they happen is merely a matter of chance.”
“Hope lets people get through the difficult times in their lives without despair, with a sense of possibility,” Snowflake said, her voice growing severe with disapproval. “I prayed and hoped and had faith when Midnight fell ill. Now he is a better.”
Nalani bared her teeth. It wasn’t a smile, or a grin – more of a snarl though her voice remained calm. “Love didn’t cure your husband. Love doesn’t give a damn about anything. I’ve spent my entire life learning and practicing the doctrine of Love and for what? I have nothing to show for it.” She took a deep breath. “Do you know why I was such a hard and studious scholar of religion when I was just a little girl in the orphanage?”
Snowflake inclined her head silently.
“Because I was hoping that Love would give me a family,” Nalani hissed. “That if I was a good girl who did what I was told, who lived up to the precepts of the church, things would turn out okay in the end.” She added, mockingly, “Love prevails.”
“It doesn’t work that way, Nalani,” Snowflake said a hard edge in her words. “It’s not a give and take relationship. We don’t serve Love because we expect something in return – we do so because it is what our belief is. Because we want others to be loved, to feel hope, to have their misery eased.”
“We peddle lies to them to make them feel better,” Nalani spat. “Well it doesn’t make me feel better. If I failed to draw breath tomorrow, I can think of two – maybe one – person who would sincerely mourn me and not just make sad noises and say, ‘Oh, what a shameful loss of life, she was so young.’ Likewise, I can think of at least two people would be delighted if I dropped dead. Eighteen years of dedicated service, and this is what I have to show for it. This and several blunders done in goodwill.”
“You’re being selfish,” Snowflake hissed, angry now. “You’re hurt, I understand that, but you need to clear your head.”
“I’m not fit to be a priestess,” Nalani murmured. “Snowflake, I resign. I no longer want to be your little replacement. If I can’t even be a regular priestess without fucking up everything I touch, everything I do, then putting me in a position where someday I might have more responsibility is just idiocy!”
“Stop it Nalani!” Snowflake barked at Nalani.
“No!” she shouted back, turning and glaring at her mentor. “I am the way I am because I’ve spent too long cloistered in the temple. I haven’t lived. I have nothing valuable to contribute. I can quote verses – well so can every other priestess under this roof! Every time I fail at something, it’s because I can’t look at things right! I don’t know anything! And perhaps things would have been better if I had never become a priestess! Let’s test that theory.”
With a hard jerk, Nalani broke the chain about her neck and ripped her priestly emblem off. Snowflake stared, shocked. Nalani turned and hurled the jewelry as hard as she could at the shrine. “I quit. At least from here on out, nobody else will have to suffer because of my good intentions.”
Snowflake moved to grab Nalani by the wrist, though the elder priestess wasn’t sure what she would say or do. Nalani moved away before she could and briskly walked away. She would at least talk to Ryder before she made her next move.
At last, Nalani spoke up. “Everything I’ve done in my life, in the name of Love, has hurt people,” she concluded, quietly.
“Nalani, that’s not true.”
“Isn’t it?” The young priestess’s eyes narrowed and her hand came up to grasp the little medallion of faith she wore, the sun emblem on a slender chain. “And what is the point of faith? What good is having faith?”
Snowflake gave Nalani a surprised look. “Faith is hope, Nalani, you know that.”
“It’s a false hope,” the younger woman growled. Her hold on the emblem tightened. “It’s a lie. We call Morilanta hypocrites for their religion but look at us. We pray to a non-existent Force. We beseech the air for things and whether or not they happen is merely a matter of chance.”
“Hope lets people get through the difficult times in their lives without despair, with a sense of possibility,” Snowflake said, her voice growing severe with disapproval. “I prayed and hoped and had faith when Midnight fell ill. Now he is a better.”
Nalani bared her teeth. It wasn’t a smile, or a grin – more of a snarl though her voice remained calm. “Love didn’t cure your husband. Love doesn’t give a damn about anything. I’ve spent my entire life learning and practicing the doctrine of Love and for what? I have nothing to show for it.” She took a deep breath. “Do you know why I was such a hard and studious scholar of religion when I was just a little girl in the orphanage?”
Snowflake inclined her head silently.
“Because I was hoping that Love would give me a family,” Nalani hissed. “That if I was a good girl who did what I was told, who lived up to the precepts of the church, things would turn out okay in the end.” She added, mockingly, “Love prevails.”
“It doesn’t work that way, Nalani,” Snowflake said a hard edge in her words. “It’s not a give and take relationship. We don’t serve Love because we expect something in return – we do so because it is what our belief is. Because we want others to be loved, to feel hope, to have their misery eased.”
“We peddle lies to them to make them feel better,” Nalani spat. “Well it doesn’t make me feel better. If I failed to draw breath tomorrow, I can think of two – maybe one – person who would sincerely mourn me and not just make sad noises and say, ‘Oh, what a shameful loss of life, she was so young.’ Likewise, I can think of at least two people would be delighted if I dropped dead. Eighteen years of dedicated service, and this is what I have to show for it. This and several blunders done in goodwill.”
“You’re being selfish,” Snowflake hissed, angry now. “You’re hurt, I understand that, but you need to clear your head.”
“I’m not fit to be a priestess,” Nalani murmured. “Snowflake, I resign. I no longer want to be your little replacement. If I can’t even be a regular priestess without fucking up everything I touch, everything I do, then putting me in a position where someday I might have more responsibility is just idiocy!”
“Stop it Nalani!” Snowflake barked at Nalani.
“No!” she shouted back, turning and glaring at her mentor. “I am the way I am because I’ve spent too long cloistered in the temple. I haven’t lived. I have nothing valuable to contribute. I can quote verses – well so can every other priestess under this roof! Every time I fail at something, it’s because I can’t look at things right! I don’t know anything! And perhaps things would have been better if I had never become a priestess! Let’s test that theory.”
With a hard jerk, Nalani broke the chain about her neck and ripped her priestly emblem off. Snowflake stared, shocked. Nalani turned and hurled the jewelry as hard as she could at the shrine. “I quit. At least from here on out, nobody else will have to suffer because of my good intentions.”
Snowflake moved to grab Nalani by the wrist, though the elder priestess wasn’t sure what she would say or do. Nalani moved away before she could and briskly walked away. She would at least talk to Ryder before she made her next move.